Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
