Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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