Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
