Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
