just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
