she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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