dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have fence marks all over my body
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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