the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
