I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
