Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
