Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
