oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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