he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
