my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
