She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am mentally ready for anal.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize