Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
