This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm passing your future prison.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The feeling are messing with the penis
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
