I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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