im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize