I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
