"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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