I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
