Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
