I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
