uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
