Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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