come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
