What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
