You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
