Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
