Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
