took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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