jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
its liver damage thursday
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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