Where did you get a picture of my penis
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize