Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
