I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
