I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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