She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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