Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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