also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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