trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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