Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize