Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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