I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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