do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
