Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
