toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize