erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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