I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
