now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
