Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
