I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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