I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
