If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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