If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
