Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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