the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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