It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
