I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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