If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
