How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize