dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
