So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
