Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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