3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
