your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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