The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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