glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
