Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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