When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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