who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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