The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
