I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
