It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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