Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
