I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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