I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
