I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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