Got a toothbrush?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
