"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
