we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
