white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
