You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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