I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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