I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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