You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
