You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
