I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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