the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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