I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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