Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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