im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize