We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
