i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
