I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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