PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
