Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
